So let's say you're looking at a squirrel. Now, you're probably thinking, "OK, there's a squirrel. Happy little squirrel. Kinda cute. Hope he doesn't have rabies." Well, there may be a lot you don't know about that squirrel. What if, for instance, his girlfriend just dumped him? Or his mother-in-law moved in? Or he's living next to an old folks' home that plays Johnny Matthis music all day long? The fact is that you may actually be looking at a clinically depressed squirrel. How can you tell if your squirrel may be having emotional problems? Well, I don't know to be honest. What I do know is that at least a few squirrels have decided they could no longer take it and, after chittering the squirrel equivalent of "Goodbye, cruel world!", committed 切腹 (heri keri). This often involves throwing themselves into traffic, but a few take another route -- frying themselves in the electric transformers dangling overhead on phone poles. Now, this would be just another personal tragedy for some squirrel family, were it not for the fact that squirrels crisping themselves in electric equipment have a tendency to short out the transformer, causing electrical power outages for the rest of us -- ironically transforming their personal problems into larger community issues. When said toasted squirrel is a resident of New Hampshire, there is yet a further dimension to this tragedy because with so few roads -- think about it -- New Hampshire also has fewer electric lines, making us particularly susceptible to kamikaze squirrels. One such emotionally-crushed squirrel once knocked out half the grid in southern New Hampshire. No kidding.
Now, before I take my blame-the-squirrels theme too far, it should be noted that we may be seriously misinformed about suicidal squirrels. A friend whose father worked for a utility once told me that when some technical issue came up that was too complex to explain to the general public, they would sometimes attribute power outages to squirrels getting into transformers. Not kidding on that one, either.
So there you have it. A thinly-populated state's power infrastructure is very vulnerable and easily disrupted, and this same state is filled with emotionally-disturbed squirrels. It's sort of like the thorns on a rose analogy, no?
Didja hear about the ice storm in December of 08
I went without power for eleven straight days!
-- Super Secret Project, "Granite State of Mind"
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