Is That Thing Moving...?

Where I come from, there is a town that was famous -- maybe infamous is the right word -- for its flamingos. The town was a suburban setting full of very modest, small two-bedroom middle class homes, and as such attracted a lot of newly-married couples getting started in life but as well many recently-arrived immigrants who had worked hard and were also just getting started on their own personal American Dreams. Somehow, this seemingly-innocent social mixture produced a toxic aesthetic environment in which a lot of these townsfolk came to the conclusion that it was a good idea to stick lots of those pink, plastic flamingos on their lawns -- on purpose! I remember even as a child being astonished by this.

Fast-forward many years later in my life when I'm living in New Hampshire, and we decide we're going to rent a stall in the local flea market to clear out some of the junk in the basement. When you do this sort of thing, it's not a good idea to mention it out loud because soon all your neighbors and friends are "volunteering" some of their own junk to be included in your flea market haul. One friend of my wife's who owned a store dumped a large cache of amazingly crass lawn ornaments on us, and despite my vigorous protests, they were included in our flea market display. There were colorful spinning wind wheels, pointless flags, streamers, faux wind socks, all sorts of stuff that, if placed on my lawn, would very quickly be subjected to unfortunate lawn mower accidents. Now, granted, they were all still wrapped in their original packaging and looked all colorful and shiny and new, but still... Just because I might laugh at a circus clown doesn't mean I want to bring them home. In any event, my wife had the last laugh and I was forced to somewhat re-assess New Hampshirites when, against all my dire predictions, all of that stuff sold out. In fact, there was a bidding war over the last spinning wheel.

Now, I have never been accused of having any taste or decorative sense, but I can't help but cast a wary eye at my neighbors now, just wondering if, given half a chance, they would stick a plastic pink flamingo on their lawn......