Things That Go Bump in the Night in NH, Part II

So there I was, turning in to my driveway from the main road. Now, this was late in the evening, well after dark. There are some lights along the road I live on, but as this is New Hampshire, the woods come right up to the road and the road twists and turns, minimizing the effect of artificial lighting. Essentially, except for a few oases of light here and there, driving on this road at night means driving in the pitch-black darkness. My driveway is a very long and lonely road, about a quarter mile long, in fact, and runs straight through a swamp, giving one the effect of entering some deserted Louisiana plantation. My home is out of sight from the driveway, being up and off to the left from the driveway. There is one house on the other side of the road, and another down the road a bit, but neither are within shouting distance. You could scream bloody murder all you wanted on my driveway, and the only ones who would hear you are the peep frogs in the swamp.

So there I was, as I mentioned, turning into my own driveway. The headlights panned slowly across the thick swamp vegetation as I made the turn, and I started up the long drive to the warmth and safety of home. I think you'll understand why I laid on the gas pedal perhaps a bit more than I should have, this being a cool October evening. I swear, I just wanted to get home; I don't usually indulge in flights of fancy. I certainly never expected what came -- but there it suddenly was, and I grabbed the wheel with both hands and slammed on the brakes.

Despite the shock of the moment, I can remember what I said -- no, shouted -- at the time: "Who the !)&*^%$#@! put that (*&%%$#!@@! speed bump there?!?" I own a condo, and if you don't, then you may not be familiar with condo associations. Condo associations are like small South American banana republics with a dictator of the week, with each person in "power" wanting to leave their mark to prove their leadership prowess. Thus was born the idea that a bunch of condos located in a backwoods New Hampshire swamp would need a speed bump, resulting in my achieving air-born status for a few seconds that night. Live free or fly.