New Hampshire Haiku V

Low, dark clouds mean snow
TV tells us to stock up
on beer and snow-blowers

New Hampshire at Christmas

New Hampshire is definitely the place to be for Christmas, unless of course you have an allergy to snow and quaintness. This state was just made for Christmas, with its rural New England architecture, idyllic snow-covered evergreen trees, covered bridges that span the "over-the-river-and-through-the-woods" scenery, and a local obsession with antiques and folksy arts and crafts. Indeed, some local entrepreneurs have embraced this dyed-in-the-wool Christmas wonderland by making year-round businesses based on the holiday, like the Christmas Farm Inn, the entire indoor Christmas village at the Christmas Loft (in North Conway, NH), a year-round outdoor Christmas theme park at Santa's Village, and Jingles Christmas Shop. The point is that the American ideal of Christmas looks a lot like New Hampshire.

I think one of the things contributing to this Christmasy atmosphere here in NH is a lingering old English imprint on the local culture, which I've poked fun at before -- the fact that there are still lots of Smiths, Joneses and people with colors for names like Browns, Greens and Whites running around this state. Indeed, while nationally the U.S. is estimated in 2009 to have been 74.5% "white" (self-declared), in New Hampshire that number is 95.3%. Let's face it; there are reasons that neither Rap or Mambo music started in New Hampshire. However, the reality of course in late 2010 is that New Hampshire is a modern state, not some Norman Rockwell painting, and as such it is an increasingly complex and diverse population of people. My Norman Rockwell reference was apt; despite his famous paintings of sugary idyllic scenes for the Saturday Evening Post, he was a strong proponent of racial equality and included racial diversity in his paintings whenever he could get away with it in early 20th century America. I mention all this because we are reminded of the reality that even here in rustic, rural New England, a scene today can take place which reminds us that we are all indeed in this together. A mosque, a synagogue and a Hindu temple in Manchester,NH came together to man Christian soup kitchens today for the poor and homeless so that the Christian workers at these facilities could spend this most important Christian holiday with their families. If that isn't the true meaning of Christmas I don't know what is, and I wish Norman Rockwell were here to paint it.

The picture above was from here.

Why New Hampshirites Don't Use the Turn Signal II

I've got a theory. It appears that New Hampshire has become, in recent years, a more feminine state. I don't mean effeminate, I mean feminine. Simply put, there are increasingly more female New Hampshirites than male. Just look at the map above (from this source here.) Now, I can tell you that from a male perspective, the first thing most guys will say in reaction to this information is, "Cool!" It's just the way men think. Upon hearing this information in fact, most men will immediately begin fantasizing about hordes of desperate young, attractive women pursuing them. We can't help it. But one problem for New Hampshire men in particular is that after being subjected to this knowledge -- and the attendant testosterone-driven fantasies -- for extended periods of time, well, they lose the ability to commit. Why commit? What if there's a hottie just waiting around the corner? Would you commit?

One unfortunate side effect of this behavioral quirk is that this inability to commit eventually extends into other areas of their lives, which explains why New Hampshire men won't use their turn signals: they're afraid to commit. They know they have to turn left, but what if another opportunity suddenly presents itself? Why take the chance? This, I suspect, is why New Hampshire men will drive straight and narrow but then suddenly swerve and turn to one side with no warning, and certainly no turn signal. These poor drivers are a victim of their own abused libido.

New Hampshire Haiku IV

Snowing to the west
Snow to the east and south
When will it snow here?

Scenic New Hampshire

When you're northbound on Route 93 in Massachusetts, having come directly from downtown Boston, within about 40 minutes you'll have noticed the buildings have thinned out a bit, and there are more trees. Civilization seems to recede, and the country takes over. Shortly, you come to the Merrimack River which flows eastwards towards Salem and the sea. However, on 93 as you continue northward, you find that you are on the Merrimack River bend, that it has not come from the west but from the north and made a sharp eastward turn. You cross the Merrimack River as you continue northward, and within minutes you encounter the friendly 'Welcome to New Hampshire' sign. Route 93 immediately collapses into 2 lanes, a virtual country road at this point, and gently swerves northward into the Granite State. On both sides of the road you see trees and large outcroppings of granite. The road will rise and fall, providing you as you continue northward with glimpses of the hills and valleys to come. This entrance into New Hampshire is pleasant, rustic and scenic.

However, your initial perception of New Hampshire depends on where you enter. If, for some adventurous reason, you decide to get off on exits 42-48 -- the last exist for 93 in northern Massachusetts -- in Andover or Methuen, and decide instead to catch the smaller Route 28 northward into New Hampshire, into Salem (NH), your first sensation will be.... trees? moose? quaint granite outcroppings? No, tattoo shops. Tattoos are apparently illegal in Massachusetts, and so some -- quite a few, in fact -- New Hampshire entrepreneurs have cashed in and offer their skin-dying (and piercing) services just across the New Hampshire border, giving one the effect of having entered a biker zone. Left and right on the first few miles of Route 28 in New Hampshire, tattoo shops have sprung up like mushrooms after a storm to service drunk sailors and love-struck teenagers...from Massachusetts. So the next time you're in Boston and feel the sudden need to immortalize Mom on your shoulder, head for Route 28 in New Hampshire, and take your pick.

New Hampshire Architecture

If you find yourself northbound on Route 28 in Salem, New Hampshire some day, you'll eventually end up passing a huge, massive, bodacious Walmart. I suppose that's hardly new or unusual, but just past this Walmart, on the same side of the road, you'll see a rusting old historical plaque beside the road near an apartment complex declaring the existence of 'America's Stonehenge'. Now, after seeing this sign, you'll likely look around and puzzle whether the apartment complex is hiding this apparent historic wonder, or maybe it's behind one of the nearby tattoo shops. (<<< More on those tattoo shops another time.) The sign doesn't mention that the actual site of the alleged 'America's Stonehenge' is actually several miles away.

Now, once you manage to find the place and pay for your ticket -- it's a privately-owned tourist site nowadays -- you can trudge up the hill (with complimentary snow shoes in the winter!) to a true mystery. First of all, if you're expecting a bunch of massive stones arranged in some mystic circle, well, I'm afraid your little inner Druid is in for a cold splash of reality. 'Mystery Hill' as it's also (and more aptly) known is really a jumbled collection of stone shelters and pathways built into the side and top of a mountain. The question is, who built them? Now, Americans (with their European roots) have a long history of rummaging in the historical dustbin of their European ancestors out of sheer habit whenever confronted by some mystery, and indeed Mystery Hill has inspired all sorts of theories about ancient Celts, Phoenicians, Greeks, Egyptians and Hebrews somehow traversing the Atlantic Ocean and setting up shop in Salem, New Hampshire. For the longest time it was assumed that the Native Indians were too inept or under-developed to build this sort of thing, but early 20th century arrogance aside, the truth is local Indians didn't build with stone. Why bother, when wood -- a much easier material to use -- is plentiful? Archaeological digs have proven that Indians probably occupied the site for generations, but it seems unlikely they built it. Carbon dating has produced results ranging from 4,000 years ago to just 75 years old. There's also been some evidence unearthed that the local 18th and 19th century farmers are messing with us, that they built the stone works as a temporary shelter for certain seasonal activities. Decades of archaeologists and shucksters have studied the place and failed to come up with a plausible explanation. (Space aliens, anybody?)

Regardless, it's a fun hike on a nice and scenic mountain, so come take a look at a true mystery for yourself. Oh -- and the current owners also keep an alpaca farm, some bring the kids.